Being a civilian in a video game has to be a tough life. You unfortunately do not get all the awesome stuff the popular guy wrecking the streets does, you have no power and you have no real means for existence. But you have to because the game said you do. Games are beautiful, but on the inside they are horrific, terrible things. Have you ever really considered how awful life would be in the world of your favorite game as just another civilian? The constant fear that you will bump into the infamous psychopathic jerk terrorizing the neighborhood is unfathomable. This post examines several game types and why living in your favorite game might not be as glamorous as you would expect or hope.
5) Left 4 Dead series:
There are dozens – if not hundreds – of games with zombies in them. None of them, however, stand out anywhere near as much as Left 4 Dead does to me.
Can you imagine walking outside to get the cat, only to be grabbed by a Smoker’s tongue and then spat at with acid? After that, a hunter will probably come and pounce on your face, ripping you limb from limb. Let’s not forget about the charger whom just grabbed your other half and is currently smashing them into tiny pieces on the cold, hard blood-splattered ground. All the while, your house is being ripped apart by a Tank with anger issues. Perhaps maybe Bill and his pals had the right idea, maybe it would be best to keep moving after all?
4) Forza/Moto GP/Every other racer ever:
Wait? What? A racing game? Hear me out. How many racing games see you interacting with civilians on the road? Sure, you get the guys in the cut scenes talking to you occasionally, but do you see them ever walk up to your car in game? I think not.
Forza was chosen specifically since it was the last game I played and noticed those poor sods glued to the sidelines. Imagine being forced to stand watching a race for the rest of your entire life. Always cheering, always watching, and never moving. They look happy but we know how they really feel. Somehow being in a zombie apocalypse might not be so bad now, right?
3) Saints Row and Grand Theft Auto:
Picture yourself going to pick the daily paper up, only to read about mass killings just blocks away from your lovely, quiet neighborhood. But wait, that’s not all. Your car gets stolen twice in one day, and your great aunt Petunia has been run over all within a couple of hours.
Crime, unfortunately, is not the only issue here, because some of these criminals also happen to have super powers! Where are your super powers? What is it about them that makes them so special? Imagine that constant flow of jealousy running through your veins and never being able to do a thing about it. You want to revolt, but are far too scared, so you let the police deal with the constant matters and hope for the best. Rinse and repeat.
Minecraft might not be the first game that jumps to mind in terms of having a sucky civilian life, but look a little deeper and it becomes pretty clear. For your whole life, you have built a wonderful village with your friends (who all happen to look like you). Everything is perfect and your life is wonderful. Crops grow brilliantly, you have a constant supply of food and water, and overall continual happiness.
Suddenly, your life is ruining when a complete asshole named Steve (who occasionally brings his mates) wants to harvest all the crops you worked so hard for with a tool that destroys your farm. As if this wasn’t enough, Steve smashes your house down with his axe and collects all the wood. For fun. He smacks one of your brethren into a well. All you want is peace, but now you have to deal with this douche ripping up your land and ruining your life for all eternity with no defense. Deal with it.
1) Every MMORPG. Ever.
After a long day working for the blacksmith, you decide to pop into town for dinner. You have to be quick, what with being at work early in the morning, so on your merry way you go. Along the way, you get attacked by several tentacle-type things and a heard of Minotaurs. Luckily, you escape both and make it to town. The real monsters are yet to be seen however, and it may well have been better to just get yourself killed then and there.
Unfortunately, you cannot buy any food since all the so-called heroes have taken all the of vendors’ stock in every location within five miles. As if that was not bad enough, you have to constantly listen to thousands upon thousands of heroes discuss how much strength their armor has and how powerful their mount is. All you wanted was a cheese sandwich. Back to the Minotaur’s I guess.
The next time you find yourself struggling to beat a boss, or complete a race. Think of the little guys, the ones who really do have crappy lives and have no choice in the matter. If that option is not exactly feasible, then if possible remove them from the equation completely.
Be sure to let us know of any games you think civvy life would suck, this post merely scratches the surface of civilian hardship.
“Making you a better geek, one post at a time!”