Unfortunately, when most people think about the typical gamer I’m sure images of greasy, obese, zit infested teens fill their minds. For the most part that image is probably true, but it can be changed without gamers giving up their addiction to gaming. In fact, I’ve been practicing the art of gaming while working out for quite sometime. Before the introduction of Microsoft’s Kinect motion controller I used to ride a recumbent bike while going for certain achievements that required repetitive boosting. I thought why not multi-task with two of my favorite hobbies?
Rather than parking your fat a*s on the couch while going for ridiculous achievements such as Gears of War 2’s Seriously 2.0 (100,000 Kills), why not do this brain dead activity and burn some calories at the same time? It’s not like I’m telling you to actually do something physically challenging, and if riding a stationary bike is challenging to you then you need to put down that bucket of fried chicken and get your sh*t together tubby!
If riding a bike while you boost achievements isn’t for you, then I’d like to suggest using the Kinect to burn a few calories while enjoying your favorite hobby of all-time. I’ve been Kinectercising since November now, and I still can’t think of a better way for a gamer to get some physical activity, achievements, and some fun gaming all at the same time. In fact, I’ve lost 10 lbs just playing Kinect for 30 minutes a day 3x a week, and I’ve also nabbed 1,990 G from those workouts! Talk about taking out 2 birds with 1 stone! My Kinectercising has definitely led to my meteoric rise up the Gamerscore leaderboards, and played a small role in getting me to the 81,000 G mark.
If you’re interested in not being a complete piece of sh*t, scoring some extra cheves, and being able to game while you burn some calories, then please check out my recommended Kinectercise regimen below. It really is a fun and innovative way to keep cardio from becoming a torturous experiment in will power, as well as getting you some hard earned gamerscore. It’s not like you have to game this way all the time, but for an hour and a half a week you can start on the path towards losing one of those stomach rolls while still being able to game. Obviously, if you’re twin is Jabba the Hutt you should consult a medical professional before trying out my Kinectercise routine below. You’ve been given a reason to lose some weight gamers…
Entertainment Buddha’s Guide to Kinectercising
- Kinect Adventures
- Kinect Sports
- Dance Central
- Sonic Free Riders
- Schedule – Preferably first thing in the morning to take advantage of the fact that you have no food in your fat gut. Try to do this at least 3x a week.
- Session Length – 30 to 45 minutes to maximize lard burning.
- Warm-up – 150 sit-ups mixing in leg raises, trunk twists, and crunches
- In Between Game Types – While you’re waiting for the next game to load make sure to keep moving by doing push-ups, running in-place, shadow boxing, and other things to keep your heart rate up. Don’t be afraid to look like a retard, because you will!
How To Play the Games
- Bust Your Own A*s – The only way to get something out of Kinectercise is to push yourself! Don’t just go through the motions you sloth!
- Map Out a Plan of Attack – Each of the games I listed above has various achievements that are obtained by playing the game at a high level. Before your session, make sure to focus on a particular set of cheves so you can actually be working towards a goal while getting your sweat on. Plus, knowing which achievements to go after will also force you to go through the most rigorous challenges in each game, therefore increasing the amount of calories burned.
- Let Loose – The whole point of Kinectercising is to have a fun way of doing sh*tty stuff like cardio. Let your inner self go! I promise you that even the most clumsy of gamer can improve their foot work by playing these games in a balls out manner.
Sonic Free Riders
There you have it my physically active gamers! Give my Kinectercising routine a serious go, and report back to me with how it went. I honestly think you’ll get more out of this routine than the actual exercising games for Kinect. Just remember to push yourself, because if you just go through the motions you’re only cheating your heart out of a few more years of being abused. I’m now trying to make you a slimmer geek, one post at a time!
[#ff entbuddha] “Making you a better geek, one post at a time!”