Gears of Poetry: “Twas the Days of the Gears 3 Beta”

For some odd reason I penned a poem about the Gears 3 Beta late last night after playing a few matches with my wingman Hank the Gank.  Ultimately, I think this creation stemmed from the fact that I’m tired of gamers b*tching and moaning about two of the new weapons being cheap (Retro Lancer and Double Barreled Shotgun), rather than focusing on what is great about Epic’s third Gears of War title.  Trust me, I’ve been liquefied a multitude of times by the DBS, as well as being riddled with bullets while charging someone with the retro, but never did I feel like the reason I died was because my opponent was cheating by using one of these new weapons.  I’m man enough to admit that I’m not the best gamer in the World, and that the reason I usually end up dying is because of something I did, or did not do.  With that being said I’d like to present to you my first ever poem about a videogame.  Yes, it can be done!

Twas the Days of the Gears 3 Beta

(Sorta set to the rhyming scheme of Twas the Night Before X-mas)

Twas the days of the Gears 3 Beta and all through the lobbies,
All you could hear was dudes bitchin about double shotties.
Considering the fact that the overall gameplay is great,
I cant understand why there is all of this new weapon hate.

Even if a particular gun may mess with your fragile little  head,
It’s still no reason to wish that Cliff, Rod, and, team were dead.
Why not suck it up and just learn how to evolve and adapt,
Rather than sit on your soapbox and claim that Epic Games is crap!

Do you really think it’s that new retro that’s the matter,
Or could it be that your foe is just way badder?
Sometimes it’s hard for us to experience a bad match,
But rarely is it because certain guns supposedly need a patch.

So please quit your whining because it’s annoying to hear,
And maybe you should think about taking a look in the mirror.
More than likely you’ll find the cause of most of your problems,
But I’m sure some of you will still blame the retros and double barreled shotguns.

The next time you call someone who uses these tools a n00b,
Maybe you should learn how to stop them and quit being a boob.
Epic is not going to change something that doesn’t need fixed,
So get with the program and stop acting like a dick!

Just be thankful that we got to play with the gears 3 beta,
At least now the full game won’t ship with missing data.
In Fact I think we are all in for a real special treat,
When the final build of Gears of War 3 hits the street.

Until then get used to the fact that games can change,
Because nothing in life should always just stay the same.
Embrace these new tools of death that Epic has given us,
And quit being the troll causing such a big fuss…


Well there you have it folks!  A poem about a videogame, and the gamers who play it.  Still can’t figure out how this idea entered my head, but that’s what you get when you’re up way too late gaming and d*cking around on your iPad 2.  Please share with other gamers who might appreciate it by using the social networking buttons above or below the post.  I’d love for the Epic team to get wind of this, so tweet at them.  Namely @Therealcliffyb, @GearsViking, @iFlak, @EpicCog, @MarkRein, @Raczilla, @Epicgames, and the rest.  I appreciate your help in getting this Gears of Poetry piece recognized.  Obviously, if you think it blows let me know using the comment section below.  I can handle the criticism.  You’ve been shown that not all poems have to be about deep sh*t…


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Tags : gamersgears of war 3Gears3BetaWTF
Matt Heywood

The author Matt Heywood

Matt Heywood is the founder and EIC of where he strives to make you a better geek, one post at a time! When he’s not scouring the Internet for interesting nuggets of awesomeness he can be found in his secret lair enjoying the latest and greatest video games, taking pictures of toys, or talking Star Wars on EB’s Star Wars Time podcast show.