On a whim I decided to check out the new 3D action flick Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, and even with all of its ridiculousness I walked away feeling entertained. Trust me I was shocked that I enjoyed this film, but with its super fast pace and abundant amount of over-the-top violence, I couldn’t help but appreciate it for what it is – A campy action horror flick that doesn’t take itself seriously. Sometimes these are the best types of movies to provide you with 90 minutes of pure entertainment.
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (Real3D version reviewed)
- Over-the-top violence and gore
- Ultra-fast pace
- Solid action
- Sexy witches
- Quality 3D
The Not so Awesome
- Cheesy at times
Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (HGWH) stars Jeremy Renner as Hansel and the lovely Gemma Arterton as Gretel, and for the first 10 minutes it recounts the fairy tale that all of us heard as children. From there this movie turns into an action packed gore-fest that doesn’t stop until the credits role, and it will forever change the way you think about the story of Hansel & Gretel.
The concept of these two children turning into badass witch hunters is a stretch, but Renner and Aterton pull it off, and they actually helped me buy into the odd plot. Basically, these two abandoned children turn into bounty hunters that can take down witches faster than a bucket of water, and they’re called upon to confront a new threat that could give the witches of the world an air of invincibility. They have to race against the Blood Moon to prevent this from happening, and along the way they learn about their mysterious past, meet some interesting characters, and do battle with the evil Grand Witch Muriel played by the sexy Famke Janssen.
Jean Grey stars in Hansel & Gretel as the Grand Witch Muriel
With an 88-minute run time HGWH is over before you know it, but the director managed to pack-in all sorts of high-octane action to keep every second an enjoyable one. I’ve never seen so much blood and guts in a movie based on a children’s fairy tale, which I absolutely loved because I’m weird like that. I’m talking beheadings, full body explosions, and copious amounts of heads getting popped like pimples courtesy of Edward the Troll (My Guy).
To aid in making this film as bloody as possible Hansel & Gretel utilize some of the coolest fantasy weapons I’ve seen on screen. Their insane designs only helped to fuel this movie’s enjoyable ridiculousness with some out-of-this-world kill shots that I promise you’ve never seen before. I mean have you ever seen a dual headed crossbow that can shoot in any direction? What’s even better is that all of these solid action set pieces look beautiful in Real3D, and I highly recommend watching this film that way to take in the full effect of its nonsense.
Gatling guns to take down witches? OK!
Considering this is a film based on a short story that transforms into a blood fueled witch hunt; you should expect to witness some cheesy moments. At times I felt like Hansel and Gretel were a little too cuddly with each other, and it seemed as if they were going to pull a Luke and Leia incest scene, but luckily these moments don’t last too long.
There’s also two odd love stories that take place between Hansel, Gretel, a good witch, and a troll that feel forced, but they were expected. Heaven forbid someone make an action flick that doesn’t contain a single thread of love burgeoning, but that’s just the way movies are. Women need to watch corny action horror movies too I guess!
These two get a little too comfy together for a brother and a sister
In the end if you have an hour and a half to kill there’s worse things you can spend your time doing than watching Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. The familiar children’s fairy tale is enough to make you buy into the strange concept of these two kids turning into ruthless bounty hunters, and the cast does a fine job of performing their roles. I was amazed at the level of violence and gore that goes along with witch hunting, so this film definitely earns its R-rating, and it’s not something for the family to watch together.
With its fast paced plot and abundant action scenes HGWH is well worth a viewing if you’re just looking for an escape from the doldrums of your boring life. Just don’t expect any Oscar worthy moments. If you like sexy witches, blood and guts, and insane plot concepts then this is a movie for you. I give it an EB 7.5 out of 10 Buddhas, and recommend seeing it in theaters! You’ve been thinking I may have lost my mind…
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