I checked out The Expendables 2 yesterday and couldn’t have had a better time at a Saturday afternoon movie screening. First off, my local AMC now has reserved seating with servers catering to your every whim, but more importantly, TE2 is just a damn good action flick. It’s sad to think that the younger generations have never really truly watched an action film due to the pussification of Hollywood studios, and their penchant for making as much money as humanly possible by putting out only PG-13 rated movies. Luckily, some of the greatest action stars from the 70’s, 80’s, and 90’s are still alive today, and thanks to Sly Stallone they can still deliver a movie that’s full of guns, blood, and corny one liners with perfection.
The Expendables 2
EB 9 out of 10 Buddhas
The Expendables 2 opens with a high-octane punch to the face, and it never slows down until the final credits. I was ready to proclaim it as the greatest action movie of the 21st century after the 10 minute intro was through, and the Skull and bullet shells Expendables logo appeared to signify that the movie had officially started. What can I say? I’m a guy who grew up watching Arnold and Stallone in movies like Commando and Rambo. Back then there was no such thing as a plot. These movies were more about kill counts and catchphrases, and that’s exactly what The Expendables 2 has recreated.
Seriously one of the greatest opening scenes of all-time
There is a plot in TE2, if you can call it that, but like I said it mattered not. This movie is pure man fun, and the ladies will love it too. Watching all of these geezers gathered together on a single screen is something special, and their chemistry is perfect. I can’t tell you how many times my entire theater burst out laughing while watching this movie, and the giggles weren’t just for cheesy lines. Some of the action is so over-the-top and brutal, that it warrants laughter. Just keep that in mind when you hear Stallone’s, “Rest in Pieces” line towards the end of the movie. It’s easily one of the greatest kill scenes of all-time, and it’s definitely an homage to the overly violent action movies from the 80’s.
In addition to TE2 just being a fun and entertaining shoot ’em up, it also serves up some serious nostalgia for action movie fans. Arnold, Sly, Van Damme (he played a great villain), Chuck, Willis, and more, all in the same movie? You can’t beat that with a M-60! It honestly just felt awesome to watch these guys do what they do best again. F*ck political careers and serious movies! These dudes were put on this Earth to eat steroids, look ripped, and shoot off more ammo than an entire 3rd world country even possesses. That’s exactly what they were tasked with doing in TE2, and they all pulled it off with flying colors.
The Muscles from Brussels did a fine job as the film’s antagonist
On top of having a retardly high kill count and gruesome deaths, action movies also have to be full of lame one-liners, and TE2 is packed with them. I think each of the main 80’s action stars all said their iconic catchphrases at least once, or had another cast member say it in a mocking form essentially making fun of themselves and the genre. It was great! Just wait until Chuck Norris shows up. The writers didn’t even try to hide the jokes and obvious references to all of the Chuck Norris sayings we’ve seen in email chains, and on websites dedicated to the legend of Norris. I thought his inclusion may have ruined this film, but I was dead wrong. He was used perfectly, and his scenes were some of the funniest in the film.
I honestly can’t find a single fault with this movie. The creators knew exactly what they were doing, and they pulled it off perfectly. More movies like this need to get made, so I hope the likes of Stallone and Arnold don’t die off yet from abuse, because there isn’t a single young male actor out there that can touch these guy’s jock straps when it comes to making action movies. They may not move and look like they used to, but they know how to shoot guns with unlimited ammo and have a good time. I guess if I had to come up with one complaint I’d say that some of the kill shots produced so much blood and giblets it almost looked too fake, but I’d be a p*ssy for saying so. There’s no such thing as too much fake blood and giblets when it comes to a throw back action flick period!
I could watch old guys shooting machine guns all day long
The Expendables 2 is hands down the greatest action movie of the 21st century. It’s better than the original because of its ability to shamelessly make fun of itself and its actors, and the kill count has been increased dramatically. If you grew up watching these guys in the 80’s then you owe it to yourself to watch this movie. It transported me all the way back to my youth when I used to grab sticks in the back yard with no shirt on pretending to shoot hundreds of faceless enemies as if I were Rambo. I’d wager that it’ll make you feel the same way. For you younger folk you should go see it just to realize how awesome action films used to be before the US became overly sensitive and wussified.
For all of its upside I give The Expendables 2 an EB 9 out of 10 Buddhas. It’s well worth a screening, so get your puny a*s to the theater today! You’ve been wanting to see this movie on a repetitive loop…
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