SiriusXM Music Channels are Programmed by Retarded Monkeys

I’ve got a buddy that works at Sirius and maybe he can confirm this, but it seems that Chimps are the DJs for their music channels.  I’m mainly referring to Sirius Hits 1, which I have to listen to every Friday because Howard Stern only works a four day week.  I love Sirius and can’t think of any other way to listen to the radio these days, but the music stations repeat the same overplayed chart toppers every 20 minutes or so.

It’s now 3:22PM EST and I think I’ve heard Lady GaGa’s “Telephone” 58 times already.  I can feel myself getting light in the loafers as I write this.  Although, these shit pop songs do make me want to bust a move every once in awhile.  Have you ever seen an Entertainment Buddha getting freaky with sweat pants on and a hoodie that hasn’t been washed in weeks?  It’s quite a spectacle to behold.  I think after a few more Fridays of listening to this crap I should have separate dance routines for “Imma Be” by the Black Eyed Peas, “Telephone” by Lady Gaga, and a slow dance to Train’s “Soul Sister”

Sirius, “Can we please get some playlists that have more than 20 songs in them?  I’m trying to be cool and listen to the pop auto-tuned music that seems to rule the charts these days, but you’re making it very hard on this guy when I hear Justin Bieber 30 times in two hours.  I know it’s really cutting-edge to have Chimps as your DJs, but help the US unemployment problem out by giving some real people a chance!”

You’ve been ranted on…


Tags : beathuh?sucky
Matt Heywood

The author Matt Heywood

Matt Heywood is the founder and EIC of where he strives to make you a better geek, one post at a time! When he’s not scouring the Internet for interesting nuggets of awesomeness he can be found in his secret lair enjoying the latest and greatest video games, taking pictures of toys, or talking Star Wars on EB’s Star Wars Time podcast show.