Hoo boy, 2018 was, in a lot of ways, real stinky for gaming. For every Celeste there was a Radical Heights, and after looking back, there was a lot that went down that I forgot was as recent as the past year. Let’s take a look at some of the biggest pile of shit events from the gaming industry that happened in 2018.
Agony can’t even impress edgelords
Agony feels like someone looked at Dante’s Inferno and thought “Okay, what if we take away the fun action, and made it a boring stealth puzzle game?” The edginess and demonic boobies and gore-riddled visuals are all still there, but they feel less heavy metal, and more “10th grader wrote a weird fan fic about The Inferno“. The puzzles aren’t fun, the nudity is just kinda thrown around willy-nilly, there’s just genitals and boobs all over the place. The game was riding really heavily on the edge-factor, and I’m sure if it was more of an action game where you’re ripping demons apart and whatnot, it would have been real cool. Instead we got an attempted twisty-turny story that’s just covered in layers and layers of boobs and really bad bugs and wonky graphics that don’t really know what they’re supposed to be doing. It sold less than 100,000 copies on Steam, and the Unrated copy sold less than 20,000 copies. It’s not some exceptional piece of art that people just don’t understand, it’s just a shitty game, nothing more.
The Quiet Man barely makes a peep upon release
Put it this way, you have to play through a shitty Yakuza knock-off in order to play through it again… with sound. I understand what the intention was, you’re a badass deaf guy who fights thugs, so you hear the world the way that he does. This would be a better concept in a first-person game, so that you couldn’t see literally everything happening behind you. Kind of defeats the purpose of taking the sound away as a unique feature if you’ve basically got eyes in the back, and both sides of your head. Everytime anyone talks, it’s just muffled “wahwahwahwah” and it gets really annoying after 10 seconds. Then that goes on for 5 hours, not to mention the fact that the game is half life-action cutscenes. This game feels like something that should have come out on the Sega CD, or at least something that was conceptualized during that time. The protagonist doesn’t look cool either, if anything, he looks like a villain, he reminds me of The Thin Man from those early 00’s Charlie’s Angels movies. I’m not saying that every hero needs to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or generic military man, but… this dude doesn’t look like a good guy. Also, Square Enix published this somehow and I think that’s the most baffling part of the whole situation. Maybe it was supposed to be the next NieR game.
Super Best Friends Play broke up
Okay so there are a lot of Let’s Players out there on Youtube and a whole lot of Twitch streamers out there. There’s a number of them that are more widely known and popular than Super Best Friends Play, but they have been around a long time. They’ve been playing games on Youtube since 2011, pre-dating most of the top Let’s Players on the platform, which is pretty dang impressive. Unfortunately though, all good things must come to an end, as the two main men, Matt and Pat are just no longer friends. I’m not here to speculate, I’m not here to start rumors or anything, I just wanna mourn the loss of a piece of gaming history. You can still watch all of their videos in their entirety, so if you’ve never watched them, I highly recommend going back and watching some of their stuff, they can be pretty damn funny. It’s very sad to see people that you almost feel like you know personally drift away from each other. Reality sucks, and if anything proves that, it’s this. RIP Super Best Friends Play.
Fallout 76 – Worse Than An Actual Nuclear Holocaust
I mean, at this point, I probably can’t say anything about the game that literally all of you don’t already know. It’s glitchy, it’s confusing, it’s boring, it’s Fallout 76! I can’t begin to describe how floored I was at every breaking story about Bethesda’s incompetence with this game. The Nylon bag story, accidentally leaking the personal information about those that had the game, the 500 atom “gift” compensation for their shit game. It’s all just a big ole smoothie of diarrhea and… more diarrhea, really. Since it’s an always online game, there are things that they can fix, like bugs and maybe tweaks to progression. They can’t, however, change how empty the world feels without NPCs, and how the game barely feels anything like Fallout. They took out so many core things that make those games what they are that no amount of patches or fixes can change that. It just ain’t good.
Secret of Mana Remake is bland and generic
One of the most-loved RPGs of all time… pretty much got completely butchered upon being remade this year. I say that because the first one was so good, that the fact that this remake was so painfully average is insulting. Somehow they did it better on the SNES and couldn’t find some way to make this one AT LEAST as good. This just goes to show that not every game that was great needs to be remade, an makes me ever so slightly concerned for the Final Fantasy VII remake. I know that there’s probably a whole lot more people working on that game, and they have no problem delaying it to make it better. Let’s just hope that they give it the time that it needs because it’s easily one of the most sought-after remakes in gaming history. People have been wanting this for a long time.
Final Fantasy VII Remake barely made a peep all year
Okay, so this isn’t that huge of a deal, considering the fact that Kingdom Hearts III is almost here. It’s been stated that once the game has release, much more attention will be shifted towards the remake. I’m hoping that means that there won’t be any DLC for Kingdom Hearts III either, as in it won’t need it. Those games are something to behold in that there’s so much packed into them, it would be a shame for them to announce some stupid Epilogue DLC or something. We should be getting more news about the remake soon, but it was a little sad not to really see anything all year.
VR still is little more than the modern version of Sega CD/32x
The Inpatient comes to mind when it comes to how lame VR can be. Some pretty quality games like Moss did come out this past year, but it wasn’t earth-shattering. Beat Saber is doing a pretty good job of keeping the interest of people, since there’s essentially infinite replay value. Outside of a handful of games though, there’s barely a reason to own any of the multiple hundreds of dollars worth of VR setups. The high cost of entry to play VR games is just WAY too steep for the general public, and the slim selection of worthy games isn’t any more appetizing. I certainly don’t want the VR gaming industry to fail or anything, but perhaps it’s due for some kind of shake-up. I don’t know what could possibly be done, but it’s gotta become more accessible and a whole lot of really good games need to come out for it. Plus I’m just sick of hearing about nothing but Beat Saber when people talk about VR, because eventually that’s going to fade out as well.
Boss Key Productions Went Out In A Sad Fashion
Boss Key was responsible for the high-octane shooter Lawbreakers, which, despite being a cool idea, wasn’t so hot at launch. It was buggy, laggy, and the player base nose-dived right out the door, to the point where the servers were shit-canned after just slightly over a year. Cliffy B’s marketing probably didn’t help because he went back and forth over multiple promises. It was originally going to be free-to-play, but then went to being $29.99.
“None of that $60 multiplayer only bullshit.” As Cliff would tout basically any time the price was brought up after they changed the model. It’s worth noting that the game sold so poorly that they ended up just making it free to play in the last few months that the servers were online.
The game sold so badly that they had only one option left… which was to make a Fortnite clone but a really bad one that looked like it had started development a month prior to release. There were some buildings that had literally no textures at all, the lag was unbelievable, and the only people that played it were the ones that wanted to meme it to death. They farted out Radical Heights and about a month later, the whole studio went under. It was just too little, too late and I feel really bad for all of the people that were out of job, possibly because of the incompetence of their leader. Cliff B. put his foot in his mouth with Lawbreakers and all of the press surrounding it. I think it genuinely could have been something fantastic, but the desire to be edgy and “stick it” to Overwatch is ultimately what made them NOT stick out.
Also, shitting on the Xbox fans that shot your career into the stratosphere with the Xbox 360? Probably not the best move.
Super Seducer 1 & 2 went home without a single date
There is a real good reason that this is basically on (or on the top of) every “Worst games of 2018” video or post. It’s a game that needs no introduction at this point.
The only thing worse than the games are the edgelords on Metacritic that gave it 10/10 scores and just said everyone that said it’s bad are fat feminists. Really instilling a lot of faith in humanity guys, keep it up, hopefully a giant space rock kills us all soon, because the human race is nigh irredeemable at this point. There are people who un-ironically think that these games are good. Let that sink in.
Yet, despite all that…
2018 was still a pretty good year for gaming. I would love to shit on Fortnite but in reality, the game ain’t bad, it’s actually pretty good. I don’t love it myself, but only out of personal taste, I know a good game when I see it, and the fact that it gets updated and patched more than any game ever, is commendable. The fact that it’s free to play also means that anyone, anywhere can play it on basically any platform, with their friends! That’s something that’s pretty amazing, especially for kids in high school, it brings a lot of people together, for a fun time, so I can’t shit on that.
Microtransactions are a story for another time, though.
Amazing games like God of War and Spider-Man came out, a metric fuckton of awesome indie games like Celeste hit the scene too! Everyone had something the celebrate this year, and gaming continues to pull people together, like so many activities and hobbies. Here’s looking forward to 2019 and all of the amazing games to come, like the aforementioned Kingdom Hearts III, Crackdown 3, a new Halo game, and so much more!
Oh, and hopefully Anthem isn’t just another Destiny cause that shit looks fun.
“Making you a better geek, one post at a time!”