1) It’s the Nuclear Apocalypse Innit
Basically some American dickhead, some Russian dickhead, some British dickhead and some other dickheads decided that the world was too full of dickheads. Being dickheads meant that they had to destroy the world because one dickhead called the other dickhead a dickhead and so the world was obliterated in a vast ball of radioactive fire. Still it’s one of the best locations to have a video game set in. Just vast plains of nothingness, the occasional tree solemnly poking out of the morning mist, endless miles of absolutely fuck-all to see or do except for the endless stream of mutant dickheads to dismember. Bliss.
2) Distant Shadows
See those distant shadows over there? Nope I can’t either. But that’s ok right, fuck shadows and their fifty shades of shade, we don’t need them, or even want them. When I load up Fallout I don’t want to see far away trees blurring into a shadowy mess and I’m glad Bethesda has taken such a hardline stance on the exclusion of outdoor shadows. It’s a shame that Bethesda didn’t go all out and remove the shadows indoors, because they are so fucking frustrating especially when you’re sneaking around trying to whip a combat knife across some raider’s jugular. You need to see where you are going and what you are doing and shadows are literally the worst thing for stealth.
Fallout’s ‘generic male’ has the best arse in video games (yes even better than Bayonetta’s you sad lonely bastards). It’s perfect. Swishing away under that tight lycra jumpsuit making even the most arduous of journeys into the bleak wastelands of Boston a pleasure. Go on, lean in, have a sniff.
What could be better than a companion to accompany you on your perilous adventures? Nothing of course–except maybe a nice arse to stare at. They are great as damage sponges and are an utter delight as they repeat the same lines of dialogue over and over, like a good joke it never gets tiring. Also, it’s so great when they get in the fucking way of absolutely every shot when dealing with enemies, meaning you can save those valuable bullets and action points. I don’t know why Bethesda made them optional, they should be mandatory for all your adventures.
5) Stop Motion Frame Rate (Xbox One)
Now most of you think that an unstable frame rate is a terrible thing for a game to have, but in Fallout 4’s case that simply is not true, in fact if you think that it is, you are wrong. It’s like having an extra layer of V.A.T.S but without having to spend any action points. Incredible right? Sure you might not be able to shoot anything for the second or two that it freezes at zero fps, but it will allow you an extra few valuable seconds to really plan out your next move. If you’re still unconvinced then check out the Gif above (it’s not supposed to be moving ;) ). It’s a tactical advantage exclusive to Xbox One, in your face Sony fans.
Bonus Amazing, Most Awesome Thing
Dancing boxes. No explanation needed.
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