So you’ve planned out an amazing Friday night for you and your friends. You’ve made the appropriate accommodations by stocking up on Dr. Pepper, Doritos, and frozen pizza, because you’re a good friend and you want everyone to be happy. You’ve got your console set up on a pedestal, like a god, where it belongs on this sacred night. Now it’s time. Everyone has arrived, controllers in hand and they are ready for some action! But there’s a choice to be made. The most important one of the night – and no, it’s not who gets the last slice of pizza, because there should be at least two pizzas per person if you prepared properly, remember that. No, this decision will make or break your friendships! The decision of what game to play. Let this top 5 list act as a warning to all of you gamers out there preparing your next game night, the following games are at their best…and WORST when played with friends.
5) Splinter Cell: Blacklist
While the first iteration in the series to feature co-op was Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory, Blacklist perfected it giving players a wide variety of mission styles to dive into, including a Splinter Cell version of Horde Mode as well as the traditional Terrorist Hunt and Story Missions. This game works amazingly well if the people you’re playing with can follow simple commands like “Hey, don’t shoot that guy” or “Hey, don’t flip on that light switch when we’re in a dark room full of enemies and we’re trying to be stealthy!” This game requires a great deal of communication and lone wolves will find themselves quickly overwhelmed at times if they decide to pull a Bob and Steve comedy act and run blindly out into the open.
4) Call of Duty Zombies
First appearing in World at War, the Call of Duty Zombies Mode is seen as its own game to many gamers, revolving around its own universe separate from the initial Campaigns. Featuring four different game types (Survival, Tranzit, Grief, and Mob of the Dead), Zombies gives players infinite waves of the undead to unload your weapons into; weapons that include Ray Guns, LMGs, and Exploding Musical Monkeys to name a few. The game never ends until you and your friends all get eaten alive or die of exhaustion in real life because this game is addicting beyond belief. A solid strategy is needed in order to reach higher rounds or to “complete” Mob of the Dead. So if you decide to bring your douche friend along that keeps screwing up your zombie trains and reviving you when you’re in Afterlife, then rage quiting will be just around the corner for you.
3) Portal 2
Possibly one of the best sequels of all time, Portal 2’s cooperative mode can feel exhausting to some. Leaving no tolerance for lone wolves, this first-person puzzle platformer requires that both players use their brains to solve intricate portal-based puzzles, often requiring four portals at once. Perfect placement of portals and certain objects is crucial to completing every level, as well as keen timing. Although the game allows you to mark or “ping” a specific loaction where you’d like your partner to place their portal, you’ll often find that they’ll be too stupid to find said marker. Not to mention that trying to complete time-based tandem switch puzzles will most likely reveal to you that your bestest pall has the inability to count to 3.
2) Left 4 Dead Series
Cooperative gameplay is basically in the title of this one. Although allowing you to play with three AI controlled teammates, this game reaches new levels when four friends get together to decide which of their friends they’re never going to invite over again for game night. Pitting your small group of apocalyptic survivors against various types of infected, this game literally punishes those who won’t work as a team. You wanna go wander off in search of pipe bombs? Huh? You wanna walk way ahead of the group? Yeah? Well I’d wrap a scarf around your neck now, because a Hunter is about to jump out of nowhere and rip out your throat and you just happen to be too far away from ANYONE that can help you. Imagine that. And for those of you who think it’s funny to disturb the Witch, thinking that the rest of your team will just come save you if it backfires, I encourage you to rethink that plan, because I will leave you and your ego to die in that corn field.
1) Borderlands Series
The Borderlands series are humorous open-world first-person shooters, that pride themselves on an amazing co-op experience and a ridiculous amount of loot. Whether that loot be hidden in a dark corner of the level only accessed by those skilled in parkour or from a badass raid boss, every player of the Borderlands games knows that feeling you get when you find that purple or gold level gun you’ve been waiting so long for. You immediately turn into Gollum from Lord of the Rings and start to horde that shit like it’s real. It doesn’t matter if it took four of you guys an hour to bring down that huge boss and everyone’s out of ammo, as soon as you see that rare weapon drop, you’re after it like a shark. Now a good friend will call it out, “Hey guys! I found a rare sniper rifle and grenade over here, who needs one?”…But if you’re playing with a terrible “friend”, all you’ll hear is this
Steve: “Oh my God! Yes!”
Bob: “Did you find something?”
Trust me, the friend that steals your Level 72 Conference Call Shotgun without asking, after farming the Warrior for an entire day, is getting deleted from your contacts list, your birthday invitations, your wedding invitations…he’s dead to you…you’re dead to me Thomas, you’re dead to me.
So there you go kids, the Top 5 Friendship Ending Video Games. An honorable mention goes out to the classics like Contra and Battletoads, as well as some of my other favorites like Fable 3, a game which allowed one of my best friends to walk in and slaughter not only my wife, but also my entire male prostitute empire. That was a very sad day. Better luck with your friendships!
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