Well my friends and ‘LOST’ junkies, today is the day our beloved show will come to an end. All we can hope for is an ending that makes you personally happy, because there’s sure to be some backlash from the fanboy whackos who inhabit various ‘LOST’ forums. I came across a post on Mania, which poses the top 11 ‘LOST’ questions they would like answered. Unlike other fanboy sites I actually agreed with most of their wants. I’ll transpose some of them here for you to think about. There’s a few that still make me go, seriously, who gives a sh*t who gives a f*ck. Sorry, Stern sound-byte there, but it fit perfectly.
I’d like to start out with the questions from Mania that I think are retarded, and make me wonder who really thinks about this sh*t still. All questions are taken from Mania.com and credit goes to Joe Oesterle the author.
11. Will We Ever Find Out Why Walt Was So Special?
We know we’re never going to find out the answers to all the mysteries introduced in this show. We don’t care that much about Jack’s tattoo, and we already know we’re not going to get the answer of who was shooting from the other outrigger just last year; (and we’re none too happy about that) but how do they give us a puzzle so seemingly specific to the core of everything in the first two seasons and then gradually slink away from the question like they just farted in an elegant ballroom, and are hoping no one accuses them?
The real reason is because the kid who played Walt is now 3 times the size of the diminutive Nestor Carbonell, but they still need to address this somehow.
Odds of finally getting the answer: 5%
At this point I could give a snap about Walt. I think the writers had some sort of thread for him, but they had to get him off the show because the actor playing him was physically growing to fast to keep up the illusion that they were only on the island for a few months. You can’t have an actor grow a couple of feet when your shows timeline is only a few months. Case closed.
10. Who Was The Love Of Sayid’s Life, Shannon Or Nadia?
Sayid has been both a lover and a fighter during his life. The problem is the Sayid in the island timeline is dead, so he won’t be doing any brawling or banging anytime soon, and the Sayid in the Safe Landing Universe (SLU) might be heading back to County Jail – where he will unfortunately do more than his fair share of both brawling and banging.
Many assume the love of Sayid’s life has always been Nadia, but since island Sayid has never revealed the name of his one true love, many a fan has held to the belief that his soul mate was not the Iraqi prisoner or war, but the spoiled, blonde, brother-effing princess, Shannon.
Odds of finally getting the answer: 20%
Again I could care less about this. Does it really matter at all who Sayid truly loved? I thought it was pretty clear that it is Nadia, so I wonder how other viewers didn’t pick up on this. Maybe I’m wrong, but I doubt it.
6. What Was The Hurley Bird?
Hugo Reyes was convinced a giant green bird with a wingspan of 16 feet flew over him and called him by his nickname, “Hurley.” When he asked Sawyer, who was standing right next to him at the time, Sawyer sarcastically confirmed Hugo’s suspicion, with a well-delivered; “Yeah, it did. Right before it crapped gold.”
In Egyptian mythology (which plays no small part in the overall LOST mythos) the god, Horus, is a sizable green falcon. Will we ever get a guaranteed corroboration on the Hurley bird mystery?
Odds of finally getting the answer: 15%
I must have been cracked out for this one, but I can’t even recall this moment, so I don’t give a damn. I highly doubt it’ll be addressed. Why do people worry about such minutia?
Next up I’d like to list the questions that Mania posed that do have some validity. Again credit goes to Joe Oesterle.
9. Was Mother a Smoke Monster too?
In one of the most controversial episodes since a skanky Bai Ling tatted Jack up with the phrase, “He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us,” we were recently introduced (for the full hour) to Jacob, his brother the Man in Black and to their murderous and secretive mother.
While it is clear that Mother imparted her gift of “island protector” to Jacob, we were left to wonder if she was also the powerfully destructive being known as the Smoke Monster.
The biggest clue that she is indeed Smokey, or at least knew him well enough to ask for favors, is someone must have burned that village killed those people and filled in that well in the time it takes a 40 – something year old man to regain consciousness from a serious bump on the noggin.
Allison Janney is in fine shape for a woman of her age, and while she could probably torch a city block of homes, she’s probably only capable of killing 3 or 4 villagers on a good day, and would be much too tired to shove boulders into a 50-foot pit afterwards.
Odds of finally getting the answer: 80%
I’m definitely curious about this one. I have a suspicion that she was, or at least could control the smoke. She knew what going into the light could do to someone, so maybe she in fact was smoke. The other thing that leads me to believe this, is the fact that she was killed with the special dagger in the fashion Dogen and MIB said it had to be done. This would be without the smoke monster speaking a single word. MIB straight stabbed this nut before she could talk, so maybe that’s how he was able to slay the smoke monster while others can’t seem to kill him in Flocke form.
8. Who is David’s Mother?
The writers have enjoyed teasing us with the identity of Jack’s baby momma since we learned SLU Jack has a son named David. We know it wasn’t Kate, and we can probably eliminate Ana Lucia, Libby, Rousseau and Rose from the list. (Though according to Bernard, Jack’s got a thing for Rose.)
Assuming we have already met this woman, (and that’s a fair assumption with the way they’ve tantalized us) this really only leaves a couple of viable options.
We all know how bad Jack had it for his original timeline wife, Sarah (Modern Family’s, Julie Bowen) but we also know he had a brief, albeit sparkless island fling with the love of Sawyer’s life, Juliet.
Considering the way the home was decorated, the classical music David has studied, and the fact that Jack could have easily met Juliet during med school or at the same hospital (we also suspect Juliet delivered the Kwon baby) we are placing a huge wager on Juliet.
Odds of finally getting the answer: 90%
I’m not sure if I really care about this, but it needs to be answered since it has been hinted at a few times this season in the sideways universe. I agree with Joe that it could very well be Juliet, but I’m not officially sold on that idea. I think we will find out tonight for sure since Jack is going to David’s concert where most of the sideways Losties are headed.
7. How Will The 2 Universes Merge?
This one is tricky. There are no shortage of theories floating around out there, but each one seems flawed to some extent. Our favorite theory is since time moves at a different rate on the island, and since time travel has been accomplished, that it’s possible the island dwellers (living in 2007) are traveling backwards to the SLU. (year 2004)
Other theories harken to the Matrix, Sliding Doors, perhaps one reality will just cease to be, and of course, the dreaded “it was all a dream.”
Odds of finally getting the answer: 99%
This question will obviously be answered, but I still have no clue how. Des is obviously planning something, but I can’t figure it out for the life of me. Can’t wait to see how it pans out, and it better not be a dream!
3. How Did Jack Get His Neck Scar?
In this season’s opening scene we see Jack Shephard in an airplane bathroom mirror, looking perplexed at what appears to be a fresh shaving nick on his neck. During the last episode, the cut seemed even bigger and bloodier. Considering how often knives and ancient daggers have been used offensively and defensively on this show it’s a good guess that Jack didn’t injure himself with a Schick.
The real questions are who cut Jack, when did they cut Jack and why did they cut Jack?
Odds of finally getting the answer: 100%
This one has been on my mind since the season 6 opener. I’m guessing island Jack may get his throat slit or stabbed, and it is bleeding over into the sideways universe. This has to be answered.
2. What’s With The Ash Circles?
We assume the ashes Ilana and Bram brought with them are the ashes of dead people, and possibly that of Jacob. Of course we’ve also seen a lot of ashes around the shack, and there were ashes on the temple grounds as well. That’s a lot of ashes for one body. Heck even giant Walt couldn’t provide that much cremated dust.
Why does the ash (much like the sonic fence) seem to be a boundary the Smoke Monster cannot cross?
Odds of finally getting the answer: 37%
I like this one, but don’t think it’ll get resolved. Honestly, I think the writers will just leave it at what it is. The ashes create a barrier that smokey can’t cross, and that’s that.
1. Is Ben Good or Evil?
A heated watercooler and internet thread debate over the past 3 seasons has been whether Ben is, at the heart of everything, good or evil. There is no doubt Ben did some nasty things, (ordering mass genocide for one) but it also seems that he did at least some of those things while believing he was doing it for the good of the island, and at the behest of (a false) Jacob.
Ben has also done some good things (sparing Rousseau’s life and raising baby Alex on his own instead of murdering her as ordered.)
After killing Charles Widmore in cold blood, and seemingly chumming it up with Smlocke, Ben once again looks like he’s only in it for himself. However, he did previously reject Smlocke’s offer of island executive management, and seemed genuinely repentant and humbled at Ilana’s graceful act of forgiveness. We’re assuming Ben is using his greatest weapon, his weasely deception skills, to do what the great grifter James “Sawyer” Ford was unable to do – run the long con on Smlocke in the name of goodness.
Odds of finally getting the answer: 100%
This question is very intriguing. I really believe Ben is up to something since joing forces with Flocke. I really don’t think he’s gone bad again, I think he’s playing Flocke, but you never know with Mr. Linus. He’s been one of my favorite characters on ‘LOST’, and his actions always surprise me. I hope he’ll do things right, but he is Ben, and Ben’s motives are always mysterious.
Well that’s that. Some questions I want answers, while others I could give a rat’s ass about. I’m just hoping for personal satisfaction, so all I can ask for is that I’m happy when the credits roll. I’m going to miss this damn show, and can’t really think of a TV lineup without it. We’re going to be left with formula shows and reality TV now. Hopefully, team Darlton and JJ pull another ‘LOST’ out of their asses someday. It’s truly been a magical experience. Cue the tears and resulting fetal position. You’ve been questioned…
E.B. “Making you a better geek, one post at a time!”