Top Ten Creeds of the Assassins in ‘Assassin’s Creed’

  1. The first creed of Assassin’s Creed is not to talk about Assassin’s Creed.
  2. Yeah, but we’re assassins. How freaking cool is that?
  3. No showboating. It’s called “A leap of faith,” not some Olympic diving event. If you want to do a half tuck double twist half pike whatever go to the Y.
  4. Evie is cute and all but she has a boyfriend. You can try hitting on her but she will SHUT YOU DOWN. And her brother’s kind of a dick.

    Evie is crushing on that Henry Green dude, so forget about it. That other chick on the train? She’s up for whatever.
  5. What’s a Templar? Yeah, uh, we thought YOU knew.
  6. You gotta pay for sharpening your own knives so don’t be showing off with that fast knife blade between the fingers game.
  7. Try to have an empty stomach when you have to go back into that Matrix-y thing, we forget what it’s called. Trust us. Getting puke out of velvet and leather isn’t fun.
  8. All that wall climbing and jumping and parkour? Wires. Someone will fit you for a harness.

    Mike does good work, but he takes forever.
    Mike does good work, but he takes forever.
  9. Need a sign painted or some cool art for your van? Michelangelo will do it. Darwin has some killer drugs. Oh, here’s a secret about DaVinci.  Not so smart. Can’t even program the remote, and he sucks at Tetris.
  10. Capes. Chicks LOVE  ’em!

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Mark Steighner

The author Mark Steighner

Mark Steighner is a composer, playwright, teacher, musician, and videogamer from the Pacific Northwest. He’s also a grandfather and older than the rest of the EB staff combined. Just goes to show that one can put off actual maturity for a really long time.