Here’s a discussion from the WWE headquarters:
“Hey, we forgot to write the script for Smackdown this week.”
“Just do the same thing that we did on Raw, but with the equivalent people on Smackdown.”
“Don’t you think people will notice?”
“They won’t care, because Shinsuke Nakamura will be involved.”
The Highlight Reel with Kevin Owens
This is literally the same exact segment as MizTV was on Raw last night, except nobody is a champion yet, and the match was better. I’m so tired of seeing Zayn and Owens wrestle each other–seriously, they’re good–but it’s getting old.
Kevin Owens and Baron Corbin VS. Sami Zayn and Shinsuke Nakamura
This match was alright! It didn’t blow my pants off or anything, and Nakamura still hasn’t shown us what he can really do, but I’m hopeful we’ll see it soon. There were some pretty decent spots, Baron Corbin’s counter on Zayn’s Hurricane DDT (I think that’s what it was) was pretty awesome. I don’t know what kind of workouts he does to make his neck that strong, but I should find out. The good guys walked away with the victory, which was fine and dandy.
At this point I really don’t know who’s going to win the MITB (Money in The Bank) ladder match, but I’m excited to find out who it is!
Zayn and Nakamura Defeat Owens and Corbin (Pin)
The New Day are back, baby. I’m excited to see them eventually take on the Usos. I’m sad that Breezango are probably done for now and will likely start getting jobbed out again, but New Day vs. The Usos will be fantastic, I just know it. Not to mention, it was just great to see the bright colors and positivity again, and the promos that both sides cut were great.
Surprisingly, we actually got a new Fashion Files segment, and it was admittedly pretty funny–as they all have been. I’m not sure what’s being hinted at right now. Maybe there’s going to be some kind of split-up between Tyler Breeze and Fandango, sort-of like Enzo and Cass? I don’t know how I would feel about that, but I could be reading it wrong since it made it seem like Tyler sabotaged the “Fashion Police” office. It could have actually been someone else, but we probably won’t have any idea until next week (or until Money in The Bank).
Fatal 5-Way Elimination: Natalya VS. Carmella VS. Tamina VS. Charlotte VS. Becky Lynch
Who do you think hates James Ellsworth more: Carmella, or James Ellsworth? Nothing against the actual guy, and I’m sure he’s plenty happy being in the WWE regardless of his role. I just feel like Carmella is held back by the fact that she has to have him attached to her. I don’t think she’s exactly championship material yet, or anything, but she could be doing better.
Just a thought I had, moving onto the actual match. And what a fucking match this was. Seriously, props to the ladies of Smackdown Live.
First of all, the match never even started, they just started beating the absolute piss out of each other. Everybody was getting finishers off left and right, getting thrown into stairs, there was an announcer table spot–it was brilliant! After everybody knocked the shit out of each other, Shane McMahon came out to announce that since they’re all so fierce and talented, they would have their own Money in The Bank ladder match. This is pretty historic and just goes to show how far the Women’s divisions are coming on Raw and Smackdown. I am PUMPED for this match, and I think that it’s going to be real hard to pick which MITB ladder match will be better.
Everybody Wins, We Have a Women’s MITB Ladder Match, Baby!
Breezango VS. The Colons
Oh, stop doing the disguise thing when you come to the ring, go back to being the sexy stripper cop. I know that the “Fashion Police” gimmick is silly anyway, but c’mon. Tyler Breeze is looking like a supreme twat since the janitor thing at Backlash.
Also, water guns. Last time, Tyler Breeze used a mop to hit someone in the face and was not DQ’d. This week they used water guns to spray The Colons. I know that neither of those things are especially painful, but aren’t all foreign objects banned from normal matches? I guess not when they’re silly, right?
The match was okay, Breezango won, with the power of janitorial skills. There weren’t any particularly exciting spots, and I mostly hate the disguise gimmick, but a little tiny part of me likes it. For whatever reason.
I’m not sure why.
Breezango Defeat The Colons (Pin)
Randy Orton responds to Jinder Mahal’s Victory
Randy Orton came to ring dressed like my fucking dad when he works out. He then proceeded to stutter while talking about his granddad, which was a little sad.
Now, this isn’t quite Muhammad Hassan levels of stupid for a story, but it’s pretty dumb. Jinder Mahal isn’t a heel because he’s mean, or because he stabbed someone in the back, or because has a good story. Nope. He’s a heel because he’s middle-eastern, and Randy Orton is going to give him an Orton family, American-Style beatdown.
I understand that Jinder being champ is just a publicity stunt to get more Indian viewers, but couldn’t we do better than this? If he summons a bunch of guys wearing black masks, dressed to look like terrorists–like a certain Muhammad Hassan–I will agree with anyone and everyone when they tell me how shitty WWE is. I’m going to throw a picture down here to remind the WWE what not to do with middle-eastern wrestlers. Also, Muhammand Hassan is an Italian guy. Not. Fucking. Middle. Eastern.
AJ Styles VS. Dolph Ziggler
This match was fast and furious. It was great. It did its job. Both wrestlers did good work, and I can’t say much more than that. Dolph won, which gives me hope that either Styles or Nakamura will win the MITB match; though, again, I have no idea.
Dolph Defeats AJ Styles
I would say that the first match of the night was actually my favorite, since the women’s segment wasn’t really a match. I’m definitely getting psyched for MITB, and I’m excited to see what’s going to happen in the men’s and women’s matches for the night!
“Making you a better geek, one post at a time!”