Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! has sidled up to us like an unsuspecting surfer, ready to rain down upon the entire east coast. The third installment of SyFy’s campy goodness airs tonight at 9pm EST, where Selachimorpha-filled tornadoes will turn based president Mark Cuban into based shark killer Mark Cuban. He’ll be teaming up (of course) with Ian Ziering and Tara Reid, along with an eclectic group of actors/athletes who may or may not (but probably will) get eaten. Just to drop a few names, we have Bo Derek, David Hasselhoff, Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson, former NBA player Rick Fox, comedians Penn and Teller, Michael Winslow, WWE star Chris Jericho, Jerry Springer, former not Justin Timberlake N’Sync member Chris Kirkpatrick, political commentator Ann Coulter (who plays the First Lady), and NASCAR drivers Brad Keselowski and Joey Logano who will portray NASCAR drivers.
Now here are the rules for the game:
1. Drink if Mark Cuban mentions “shark” and “tank” in the same sentence.
2. Drink if Mark Cuban brags about killing a shark.
3. Drink if Mark Cuban is swallowed by a shark and survives.
4. Drink if any Dallas Mavericks player makes a cameo. Finish if it’s Dirk Nowitzki.
5. Drink if David Hasselhoff makes a Baywatch or Knight Rider reference.
6. Drink if Kitt from Knight Rider makes a cameo.
7. Drink if David Hasselhoff starts singing in any language.
8. Drink if you recognize someone, but can’t remember what you recognize them from.
9. Drink if Chris Kirkpatrick is eaten by a shark.
10. Drink if Chris Jericho performs a wrestling move on anyone or anything. Finish if he gets them in The Wall of Jericho hold.
11. Drink every time Michael Winslow makes a cool sound. Here’s an example:
12. Drink if Rick Fox mentions winning NBA Championships
13. Drink if Penn and Teller do something funny. Finish if they both get eaten by the same shark at the same time while doing something funny.
14. Drink if Frankie Muniz kills a shark all by himself.
15. Drink if Lou Ferrigno picks up/throws/bodyslams a shark.
16. Drink if Brad Keselowski or Joey Logano are killed inside their race cars.
17. Finish your drink if Mark Cuban makes it through the entire movie.
18. Drink if Tara Reid uses various tools/weapons on her prosthetic arm.
19. Drink every time Fin uses a chainsaw to kill a shark.
20. Drink every time someone makes a Jaws reference.
The list may seem a bit daunting, I know, but once I got going it was difficult to cap it, even when I hit twenty. Prepare your livers as necessary, and enjoy the movie!
“Making you a better geek, one post at a time!”